1.31.2005
a little quiz I made...
Bishounen Quiz
I made this...out of boredom. Pleas take it...if you're interested. And don't forget to give comments and/or rate it. Domo arigatou.
Reported @ 6:12 PM
...and the story repeats itself again
You called yesterday. To ask how I was doing. I said I'm fine...even though I'm not.
I'm getting good at this.
At lying.
At hiding what I really feel...trying not to get hurt again...
But ending up drowning more and more in misery.
Quite pathetic, really.
Crying all these tears for someone who would never be there to wipe them away.
I never really told you the whole story...
behind the things that had happened between us...and why I suddenly...
let you go.
But here we are, talking again.
Like the way we did before.
No...
There was something more to this, before...
Before I lost myself. And you.
But now, there's nothing else.
Nothing at all.
Reported @ 4:34 PM
1.18.2005
the psychology behind my anonyms
It occurred to me that I have two "egoes", or persona, that exist within myself, that they contradict each other and more or less end up confusing those who know only one side of my personality. It happened a while back, when a friend asked why in heaven's name do I have two separate diaries written in different noms de guerre, considering that both belong to me anyway. This entry is an attempt in explaining this bizarre phenomena, and why Raven and Rayne are not the same person as everyone think they are.
Raven
Dark, depressive and angst-ridden persona that surfaces when I am in an unpleasant state of mind. Remains silent most of the time, but when she talks, mostly it's to say an expletive-laiden, witty, sarcastic remark.(that's how she would like to describe her manner of speaking) She is the "cynical inner self who likes to say shit a lot, scare the living daylights out of people and prey on anyone who comes across her path" that everyone hides in the depths of their soul. Quite explosive. Psychopatic. Apathetic. Vain, in way. She, in the most simplest of explanations, is my id. An evil id.(or so she would like to think of herself that way)
Rayne
Your normal-friendly-neighborhood-girl-next-door. The one writing here now(although the name registered here is raven's. It used to be just a pen name, one I used when writing about things that I don't usually write about, until she gradually developed a separate identity from my own...I can't explain how or why she evolved. She just did.) need I say more? The dominant persona among the two. A cross between an ego and a super-ego. The opposite of Raven.
Origins
Now, you (well, at least the people who know me by the name raine, rain, rayne, rei and all sorts of names derived from these and merged with the numbers 14, 17 and 21) might be wondering where I got the name Raven. It's actually from a female character in one of my yet to be finished fantasy fics, Raven Leonhart, where I got this pen name. It sounded "cool" at the time I came up with it, and so I began to make use of it. But due to certain circumstances, the pseudonym took hold of the writer and created for herself a completely separate identity.(and I told you I can't explain how and why this happened. It's like trying to define something indefinite, trying to make sense out of the senseless, trying to make something out of nothing...well, you get the point) I am not saying that I have A Dissociative Identity Disorder(i.e. Multiple Personality Disorder)...it's more of a subsconcious-conscious relationship.
Rayne, simply, was derived from my real name. No complicated explanations. No unfathomable reasons. Just a lack of creativity at trying to come up with a pen name that I can use in writing stories and for use in the Internet.
The above matter cleared, I now leave you with the judgement: Am I insane, or am I not. Honestly, I'm starting to think that maybe I am, but it's up to you to think otherwise.XD
Reported @ 5:50 PM
1.17.2005
happiness is not for the heartless...
Random rant:
Happy Hell Week to me.
OMFG am I not entitled to have even a single moment of happiness even during my birthday?! I'm short of losing my sanity and shooting the shit out of myself and everyone who asks me (perpetually) the question "Are you ok?" when they know I'm not. Yes, I am stressed out. Yes, I am getting old. Yes, I am PMS-y all the time(well, almost, so deal with it and with my sudden mood swings). Yes, I'm all that crap. And yes, I hate school. and I hate my life.(wait...I don't have one.)
(breathe in. breathe out.)
I feel better now. A little.
Sorry for the rant. can't help it. I feel so down right now. So much for being happy on your birthday(er, birth week)
Reported @ 10:20 PM
1.05.2005
layout change again
so...how does this look? old idea, new pic/colors. XD
yes, I know Kyo's no angel, but what the heck, I can't come up with anytheme at all for this so there.
Reported @ 2:37 PM
1.04.2005
argh
watch out for a new layout, maybe I'm gonna upload it tomorrow, there's something wrong with photobucket right now.
Reported @ 7:04 PM
